The last few weeks have been a bit of a blur, and grief is doing that wonderful ninja like action, just catching me out when i least expect it. There's days when i think i'm doing ok and i genuinely feel it and then there's days like today which i've spent pretty much curled up watching old episodes of scrubs doing nothing but having that stomach churning horrible feeling in the knowledge that my Aunt is gone and remembering moments shared with her throughout the years. Every day is different, different emotions, different moods, different memories...and i'm still not sure how i should be dealing with it...
This last week has been pretty different too, having spent it sorting out and packing up the last six years of my life into varying bags and boxes. It'll be strange leaving this house, my lovely landlord and this room. So many memories that made me smile, notes from my nieces, cards & love letters from the man who stole my heart, old funny photos, cds, tapes, tshirts.... all with memories attached, mostly ones that made me smile.
When i first moved here, i thought i might be here for a year or two...and then time passed, and all of a sudden, almost six years have passed. In a way, i'm glad to be going as the last few years here have not been kind-sudden deaths of family & friends, expected deaths of family and friends and it just feels like it's been a stream of bad news here for the last ages...so even if i'm to be getting bad news somewhere else, at least it's a fresh start of sorts!
For some reason, earlier when I started this post, I felt like writing tonight, but now that i've started, the words aren't quite flowing the way they should, which is probably a sign that I should stop writing!
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